WELCOME TO TWO-THOUSAND & ELEVEN PEOPLES!
Here’s our totally made up food trends for 2011. Agree? disagree? got better ideas? Feel free to project all you want in the comments section :)
MEXICAN - THE RE-APPROPRIATED VERSION
Using my high-tech food chart projection koki-pen system, I’ve come to my totally made up prediction. MEXICAN - THE RE-APPROPRIATED VERSION is not on any of the food trend listings - YET - and the world is poorer for that. but, I predict that people aren’t willing to give up coriander leaves, and no one can stomach Thai curries anymore. So, the logical step is Mexican. (See how easy projection is?).
Flatbreads. Made of corn. bonus.
Beans - very good! And good for you too!
Sour cream. Helllllooo.
Avocados (please, please check where your avo comes from tho).
Chocolate in food. chocolate pickers (otherwise known as oompaloompas) are finally getting better work arrangements. this means that your chocolate is going to get more and more expensive, and will basically become a luxury item. everyone likes something that is hard to get.
Another reason I think that I am right about this, is because of the Artisan Tequila trend that is sweeping the world. R50 for a shot? A shot that will instantly bind you and your fellow drinkers, in a way that no one can remember (or care to), without the 90s effect of throwing up? Yes please.
Fresh coriander/cilantro. still yum.
& HONOURARY LIFE MEMBER TO ALL FOOD GROUPS. Chilli. always, always cool.
PIES - TRENDING BUT I AM NOT SURE
Aren’t pies a bit 2007? And while i am here, not many people can actually get a chicken pie right - often way too bland. please use chicken stock people! not chicken stock cubes - they may have that nice 2-minute noodels msg vibe going, but u need actual chicken stock bone goo (gelatine) to get your chicken to a place where it doesn’t taste like soothing water.
OUR VERY WON BUBBLIES
On New Years we had a bottle of Moet (I say the T, but you don’t have to) and we had a bottle of Moreson. Which was better? Our very very own Moreson. We also love Kaapsevonkel, and as much as drinking Pongraz gets me ripped off (and makes me burp little bubbles of biscuit and apple) I still love it, cos well, I always have. With massive emphasis on regionality (is that a word), find a local MCC and love it too. (Am ambivalent about Krone, but am alone in this, as there are some serious lovers out there).
SO HOT. STILL COOL.
Bread. Yeah u carbo-haters. you are probably feeling very very left out on this one. Isn’t it awesome how the gluten-allergies have disappeared? If you used to suffer from gluten-intolerance, here is your new line. “Wow, you know what? I used to be allergic to gluten, but guess what? It was ACTUALLY the kak that they put into breads that I was allergic to. What a relief!” Pass them that loaf please. and the butter. and the apricot jam. smiles all round. Welcome back.
GO AWAY NOW, WE’RE TIRED OF YOU
Cupcakes! They were only good cos they were nostalgic, reminding u of your childhood birthday parties when u were too young to realise that Mummy was laughing at Uncle Frank’s jokes way too loudly. Once you’ve bitten into nostalgia a few too many times, it turns to sentimentality. Cupcakes are now the equivalent of I Will Always Love You, by Whitney Houston (not Dolly, she’s the non-saccharine original).
Red food dye does not a Red Velvet Cupcake make. Stop lying!
Whole foods - face, ears, feet - on the table. Use hands.
Crockery. Getting cooler and cooler.
Beer. Finally, right up there with wine in terms of what’s-that-I-taste-chattability. (And still the only thirst quencher after horseriding/insert own sport here).
Fish. We’re gonna miss you :( I will write a whole post on this soon.
Raw Food. Also a whole post.
HOW TO DO YOUR OWN PROJECTION.
Think of something food-related that is coming/is staying/should be going/has gone/ that u like/don’t like/can’t understand.
Type idea inside COMMENT section.
Prepare for Food Trending Fame Applause.
Ps - Apologies for the Getty image of a Bakerman - but I don’t actually have any photos of hot bakerguys. Yet. Any volunteers are very welcome. I’ll bring the butter and apricot jam.